Featured Article:
The Day I Died...
I knew the day will knock the door, as every
other usual day. But it will remain far different from them. Those days I was
relishing the life. Ii was tending to live the life in fact which I barely did
in my all borne days. And now the entire physique is eager tremendously to die.
The difference between the life and the death is what the contrast between those
days and the very moment I’m coping with.
It’s a real uphill task for me to count how many times I’d turn my deaf ear when
anyone reiterated ‘you are to pop off one day.’ I know, I used to stand aplomb
reacting as if I was an inevitable exception to this call of nature. Death as I
was taught was a mere wonder for me, those days and now life in contrast has
proved nothing but surprise for this eloping creature. Oh no, I fret! Myriads of
identitities whom I cherished so nearly and dearly have already departed. Left
are just the memories, private memories which none can read nor can purloin but
even this is about to leave me alone. Of course, believe me after all nothing in
the world was mine. Not even the cloth that I wore and the rest – no deal at
all. Believe in reason than in your senses. Ha! Ha I was seeking my identity n
the world which could never be mine. I can’t even imagine how I dared avowing
this treacherous illusion as the faith – faith to stand over for ever. Yes, now
I am getting why I couldn’t live much in my life? Born with the time, die with
time – we all are slave to it. Aren’t we? What do we have in fact! Alone,
a….l…o…n…e…and a…l…o…n…e…and a…l…o…ne…e…a deadly life, brimful of illusion Still
want to live?
On the spur of the moment, a strange sort of emotion is sailing across the
bloody ocean. A lump came to my throat. You know, the death which I learnt
wasn’t a big surprise for me for I was sure that I’m going to live after my
death and I know I died a score of times before I lived. I don’t know whether I
was familiar to death or the death was familiar to me but for sure, it had been
a seasonal occasion in my life. Every time it haunted me, I was like bare
behaving somewhat in abiotic manner. The emotions entirely snipped out of me and
the dearth of love all around. Lack of even the faintest gut to harvest yet
another life with inspiration! I was dead and it is what the death meant to me
till the day. Amid plethora of debacles, landslides and melancholy, I stayed
there estranged by the world of animates, thus turned out to inanimate. I used
to be starved of everything that constitutes life and thus I used to die those
days.
You know I do have an enough experience of death. It is sour which has no any
tiny space for sugar. Could there be as well? Could there be life in death
indeed? I don’t know but I’m sure I never experienced it. And am I going to die
after my death? It’s a hidden mystery yet to be unearthed! Anyways, the
experience of life and death circulated as occasional phenomenon throughout my
borne days. But for the first time I’m heading to die for this outer world.
I hear people often saying that’s the utility of struggle if the ultimate
destination is to chuck away? In case of mine, I struggled just to live as I
always found a life in that struggle. Ecstasy of living emanated from it after
all the best thing in this world can never be obtained for free. We need to pay
something more than cash for which I had to struggle. The moment I flopped, I
died. Then is failure the death? I’m not sure but I died for there was no life.
Slowly, slowly with the hasting seconds, everything altered. The globe which I
could never measure reduced its size, that even the retina could store it as
well. The scorching sun remained dim for me. The brightest thing turned out to
be the darkest one. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I was perplexed! Perplexed with
whatever enigmatic phenomenon was picking around me. The colour faded, went
discolored. Is it really? Is there dark while dying? Perhaps, perhaps…that’s why
Africans are still dying and many prostitutes at the darkest at the darkest
midnight.
In the meantime, I hear the air echoed with terrible screech all round the
corner. The lamentation of those inn fated infants, the motherly yelling of this
world, an unfathomable afflictions of those pregnant women – earthly creator
battling for two lives at a second, the mounting curses of those satis, the
crucifixion of Jesus and the agonizing death of Socrates! The tedious parables
of life so that I could weave a sigh of relief for being off this nasty world!
Rather the hesitation groomed in me – hesitation for not being able to clamp
down such inhumanly human evils. The hesitation amplified as I flirted with the
fact that I could never be human in this human life. My struggle ultimately was
equated too less! The struggle which I thought to have been awesome ultimately
less! I still wonder. I still wonder why the human survive in so much illusion.
Why, why and why?
All these left me with full of vexation. I pine for the glimpse of this world
for the last, every other second. But more I witness more ambivalent blossomed
in me – strong ambivalence for this illusive world. I lay there cornered by all
those desperate fellows. Alas! Their faces enshrouded with agonies and the
mushrooms of pathos blossoming across their pathetic eyes! Amid the piles of
those intimacies, I was seeking for the isolation and I was fishing for the
departure amid all those entreaties for unity. The world has always stood
paradoxical to me! But for the last tie my heart felt like weeping a lot on the
bosom of my dear well wishers. THANKS FOR ACCOMPANYING ME ALBEIT IN ILLUSION.
…after all till I have well fathomed that weeping is not a weakness, rather is a
satisfaction – a source of satisfaction within myself. Then is it a weakness to
search a satisfaction within myself when I can no way get outside. Is it? Is it
a weakness? At least, not for me and now I don’t believe what the other people
say.
My dearers are helplessly praying for yet another second. Too fickle the human
beings are and too powerless as well. Much astonishingly, can’t control even a
second. Now the condition so faltered that it’s a difficult for me to dig out
the beauty in that dazzling moon, freshness in the chirpy birds and a vastness
in that damn ocean. Nothing is great but people tend to make it so. So fake the
world is! So artificial the things are with which the people attempt to hide the
realities. To no avail since it gets transpired to everyone some day near or
far. People figure out everything then. And thus live their life in fullest for
the first time. The day one lives, s/he is supposed to ‘die’. He has no space
after all in this already dead world. I was on the verge of it.
Death thus is a moment when the people identify the world where they stand. This
very process of identifying is getting slowly exhausted to me. Slowly, slowly…
it was in its last leg. The world shrinks into an atom The pyre for me, the
rivers flowing aside, the sky overhead everything!
e…..v….e……r….t…..h….i…n….g….waned. alvida to you all! S..l..o..w..l..y,
s…..l……o…..w……l…..y ………s……l……….o…..w….l…………….y I…..w….a……s….d…..y……i….n……g…. i………..w…………..a………………..s……….d………..y…………i………n…….g.
But still, I don’t know whether I was dying or this world. ..Still, in
illusion????
-Shruti Kadariya
Read more articles...